Filled with much thoughts.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

dear lord jesus,

actually i was hoping that you could hear me.
i told my family that on this coming birthday, i don't want any present i only wants him.
but have you hear me?
are you on your way to deliver this big present?

i think i rush into it too often, i can't wait i don't know why.
maybe the feeling of waiting and not knowing where it worked out or not is very torturing.
i got a feeling i'm waiting in vain.
and at the same time im losing myself.
i feel like i'm very deperate like that.
but i dunno why.
i hate to be in way.
screwing up things over and over again.

we shared quite a similarity,
he told me i am like his cousin.
but i dunno what he want to say and made him change what he want to say
but deep down maybe he doesn't have feeling for me.
i'm just beautify everything.
i hate this kind of people.
good to every girls and expect them not to fall in love with them.

i think i saw him kissed maggie
or izzit it's too much of a coincidence
or izzit that i think too much and imagine it.

arghh, seriously i really hope that i can go up to him
tell him whatever i felt and let him decide.
but this is crazy, i might lost a friend.
i don't want to lose it this way.

i like him, i really do.
i saw the smile on his face, the light up face.
i feel so happy and i'm like the happiest girl in the whole wide world.
he gave me confident, he made me believe in myself.

but the moment i saw him with maggie, it's crushing down.
he asked if i have any thing on my mind.
i'm behaving very blur like i am guilty striken.

but i can tell you that, the whole damn time i'm thinking about what you and maggie might do.
it's making me super crazy.
i want to shout at you.
i want to shout why must you plant a love seed on me.

argghhh.
will you listen to my prayers and him me love as a present?

11:38 AM

forcing myself not to look at facebook,

forcing myself not to look at msn.

forcing myself not to think,

forcing myself to let go.

forcing myself not to listen,

forcing myself to believe all sort of funny excuses.

forcing myself to believe i can get over it.

but why do i need to use force?

i think i've seriously lose myelf.

i almost revolve my life around.

i become so sensitive,

i become so paranoid

i become so not myself.

i become stress, i made you stress.

i find excuses for what you do.

who am i?

i started to think that i am damn scary.

like a vampire craving for blood.

wth. it's gettin crazy.

lucky i'm ready to go with the flow.

be myself and love what life had gave me.

11:07 AM

Monday, August 02, 2010

it's some much of a coincidence, no wonder you look at me that way.

7:06 AM

Sunday, August 01, 2010

why keep holding on to it when you know letting go is the best solution to all your pain.

damn it, you suck.

ok whatever.

6:57 PM