dear lord jesus,
actually i was hoping that you could hear me.
i told my family that on this coming birthday, i don't want any present i only wants him.
but have you hear me?
are you on your way to deliver this big present?
i think i rush into it too often, i can't wait i don't know why.
maybe the feeling of waiting and not knowing where it worked out or not is very torturing.
i got a feeling i'm waiting in vain.
and at the same time im losing myself.
i feel like i'm very deperate like that.
but i dunno why.
i hate to be in way.
screwing up things over and over again.
we shared quite a similarity,
he told me i am like his cousin.
but i dunno what he want to say and made him change what he want to say
but deep down maybe he doesn't have feeling for me.
i'm just beautify everything.
i hate this kind of people.
good to every girls and expect them not to fall in love with them.
i think i saw him kissed maggie
or izzit it's too much of a coincidence
or izzit that i think too much and imagine it.
arghh, seriously i really hope that i can go up to him
tell him whatever i felt and let him decide.
but this is crazy, i might lost a friend.
i don't want to lose it this way.
i like him, i really do.
i saw the smile on his face, the light up face.
i feel so happy and i'm like the happiest girl in the whole wide world.
he gave me confident, he made me believe in myself.
but the moment i saw him with maggie, it's crushing down.
he asked if i have any thing on my mind.
i'm behaving very blur like i am guilty striken.
but i can tell you that, the whole damn time i'm thinking about what you and maggie might do.
it's making me super crazy.
i want to shout at you.
i want to shout why must you plant a love seed on me.
argghhh.
will you listen to my prayers and him me love as a present?
11:38 AM