Going on.

2011-01-26T00:02:00.000-08:00

am i sick that y i feel so vulnerable?

i really feel like breaking down and cry out loud..

but i don't find my tears...

am i numb?

or i just simply getting used to it?

2011-01-25T21:18:00.000-08:00

why must you torture me like this.

send this kind of msg also will send wrong people...

he wrote"nights baby"

i don't know who is he sending to.

but i hope its me.

but deep down i know this kind of good things wont happen on me...

haizz, it will only add on to my pain..

2011-01-24T00:18:00.001-08:00

just the thoughts of you irritates me...

2011-01-16T23:11:00.000-08:00

i don't know how i can face you later.

i will force out a smile, but it wont be genuine.

its killing me inside.

and you are the only antidote.

2011-01-13T23:12:00.001-08:00

it doesn't matter already.

like that also very happy.

i'm just afraid, the happier i get, the emptiness will be more.

2010-11-27T10:21:00.000-08:00

我不想当小妹.

2010-11-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

*HEARTBEAT POUNDING X1000 TIMES*

the day finally came, i'm going to meet him later alone.
dunno how many times i wish this kind of thing to happen but how it came, i wish it can be other day.
I'm not prepared! I'm scared! I'm nervous! I'm happy!
yesterday, i'm damn happy.
but after hearing that maggie is not going home tonight, i dunno why i will link to she is together with keith overnight at his place, then in the morning they will go for breakfast then later when he come and pick me up, i will see maggie in his car and they told me they are together!

OH MAN! I wish i'm thinking too much! what if it really happen? i think i will breakdown lor.
serious. I'm nervous now not because im meeting him later but scare i will see maggie in his car!
damn it...
crossed finger arrrrrrr.....

the plan later is, we will meet and go to shop for red wine.
then we will proceed to punggol marina to meet suzie and joey and the rest.
so i will have 1 hour to be alone with him.
that should be happy about right? but all these negative thoughts kept popping up in my mind.
arrgghh this is so torturing!

2010-11-22T07:36:00.000-08:00

it has always been a battle with myself.
i need to sort out my own feeling.
i cannot always let my feeling rule my head.
i need to know how to seperate.
maybe i should learn from cheekeong.

2010-11-22T06:01:00.000-08:00

不说也不能怪他，但说了又有什么用?

到底我要这么作你才会董！！！

真的很想很想跟你说！

我也快要疯了！

我的心脏啊，你能死心吗

2010-11-22T05:38:00.000-08:00
my heart sank into 200m deep...
i need my oxygen tank.

2010-11-20T08:37:00.000-08:00
paintball and go kart today.
had fun!
i feel good when i stroke his head.
i feel good when i take the initative to hold his hand.
I can feel the warmth and the way he hold back.

eh wait, i thought i'm supposed to give up?

2010-11-16T23:44:00.000-08:00
i really wants to give up, really want to.
but how can i let my heart die on him......
i hate you because i still like you.
i hate this.

2010-11-12T23:40:00.001-08:00
i like you but i made my friends disappointed in me when i just want to see a glismp of you.
janice said something today 'the opposite of love is indifferent', i truly agree.
when you like a person, he is like your center of gravity.
but once you lose the grip, you can't find back the same spot anymore.
you will just feel indifferent.

sometimes i rather i feel indifferent abt him than missing him all the time.
i'm like a sister, right? can you tell me?

2010-09-27T11:39:00.000-07:00
i discovered that, i'm always running after you, always wanting to follow you.
wanted to do things with you.

i think i'm gonna stop doing that, makes me feel like a stalker.
i want to stop myself from doing all these, but i can't control myself.

tell me, if you know i like you but you don't. Tell me straight in the face, let my heart die on you.
i hate this kind of feeling...

2010-09-05T07:23:00.000-07:00
i've got a strong urge to write to you today.
i'm very afraid i might take you for granted, i'm afraid i might forgot the word thank you.
when you are standing in the lift, so near to me, i feel like pulling you over to give you a hug.
trust me, i wanted to do so.
i wanted to give a kiss on your face to show how in love i am with you.

i miss you so much, i wanted to see you everyday.
i want to know what are you doing everyday, i want to listen to your voice everyday.
i want to watch movies with you.
i want to watch you sleep, i want to greet you morning in the morning.

am i falling too much for you?

2010-08-03T11:38:00.000-07:00
dear lord jesus,

actually i was hoping that you could hear me.
i told my family that on this coming birthday, i don't want any present i only wants him.
but have you hear me?
are you on your way to deliver this big present?

i think i rush into it too often, i can't wait i don't know why.
maybe the feeling of waiting and not knowing where it worked out or not is very torturing.
i got a feeling i'm waiting in vain.
and at the same time im losing myself.
i feel like i'm very deperate like that.
but i dunno why.
i hate to be in way.
screwing up things over and over again.

we shared quite a similarity,
he told me i am like his cousin.
but i dunno what he want to say and made him change what he want to say
but deep down maybe he doesn't have feeling for me.
i'm just beautify everything.
i hate this kind of people.
good to every girls and expect them not to fall in love with them.

i think i saw him kissed maggie
or izzit it's too much of a coincidence
or izzit that i think too much and imagine it.

arghh, seriously i really hope that i can go up to him
tell him whatever i felt and let him decide.
but this is crazy, i might lost a friend.
i don't want to lose it this way.

i like him, i really do.
i saw the smile on his face, the light up face.
i feel so happy and i'm like the happiest girl in the whole wide world.
he gave me confident, he made me believe in myself.

but the moment i saw him with maggie, it's crushing down.
he asked if i have any thing on my mind.
i'm behaving very blur like i am guilty striken.

but i can tell you that, the whole damn time i'm thinking about what you and maggie might do.
it's making me super crazy.
i want to shout at you.
i want to shout why must you plant a love seed on me.

argghhh.
will you listen to my prayers and him me love as a present?

2010-08-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

forcing myself not to look at facebook,
forcing myself not to look at msn.
forcing myself not to think,
forcing myself to let go.
forcing myself not to listen,
forcing myself to believe all sort of funny excuses.
forcing myself to believe i can get over it.
but why do i need to use force?
i think i've seriously lose myelf.
i almost revolve my life around.
i become so sensitive,
i become so paranoid
i become so not myself.
i become stress, i made you stress.
i find excuses for what you do.
who am i?
i started to think that i am damn scary.
like a vampire craving for blood.
wth. it's gettin crazy.
lucky i'm ready to go with the flow.
be myself and love what life had gave me.

2010-08-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

it's some much of a coincidence, no wonder you look at me that way.

2010-08-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

why keep holding on to it when you know letting go is the best solution to all your pain.
damn it, you suck.
ok whatever.

2010-07-30T08:18:00.001-07:00

crushed.

2010-07-28T08:20:00.001-07:00

i better stop.

2010-07-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

i am very happy today, really.
5 more days! endure!
2 days of road trip, very looking forward, very.

2010-07-19T12:11:00.000-07:00

hong kong 8 - 12 Jul 2010

2010-06-30T12:10:00.000-07:00
it have been two days.
i'm still thinking.

maybe i should be sad, the next one might not be me.

2010-06-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

omg, he actually broke the news.
i can't think now, totally.
my mind is blank but filled with flowing thoughts.

2010-06-17T09:12:00.000-07:00
arghhh, one moment i'm like like enjoying the roller coaster ride.
the next moment i'm like hating the ride.
why am i so nervous, why did i hang up the phone so fast.
why didnt i be more attentive!!

and why am i always saying rubbish!
i hate it when shoe shop dont reply my msn or msg!

why am i minding so much!

2010-06-03T08:02:00.001-07:00

kao eh, why am i always swirl into this kind of relationship.

2010-05-06T12:12:00.001-07:00

at this very hour, when slience is the only word to describe the night.
you are very missed by me.
you too?

2010-04-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

这么办, i feel like crying.

难道那些感觉是假的吗?

2010-04-05T02:00:00.001-07:00

went diving on 1st to 4th Apr 10.
i miss 4 terribly.

2010-03-19T06:25:00.000-07:00
The worst feeling ever is not knowing whether you should wait or give up.

Favourite quotes...

How do I say goodbye to someone I never really had? Why do my tears fall so endlessly for someone who was never really mine? Why is it I miss someone I was never really with? And why do I love someone whose love was never really mine?

I'll wait for you as long as I can. But, when the time comes I fall for someone else, maybe it's about time to wake up and have the happiness I deserve.

A real man isn't defined by how many girlfriends he had. It's by how many b!tches cried when he said, "No. I'm taken. And I love her."

Some people say "forget about him/her, there's plenty of fishes in the sea." what if you only want THAT type of fish? Is the person you're waiting for is really worth it?

I may not have the best lovelife in the world but I am blessed with super great friends in the land.

2010-03-15T09:16:00.001-07:00
sometimes, no.
now i really, seriously feels that i'm very underpaid and overworked.

with that amount of money, i have to slog like cow and suffer like that. I never really sit down and think about the amount of tasks that was given to me, what i am thinking is since i'm given this task, i might well do it and do it with my best. that's what i always tell myself at work. in school, you can slack, copy or whatever. but i'm working now, everything is different. the responsibility is with me now, do it or fail it. it's just a line, cross the line and you are done. no income but lots of commitments.

since i've already started writing, let's see how much work i have to do a day.
listen, it's a day only.

1) initiate billings for signed contract
- i'll have to save and rename the file, print it out, file.
- raise billings to chengdu side for them to raise SIR, i must confirm that i've have every single details ready and correct.
- verify the project code.
- keep track of the forever increasing contracts that cost 100 over millions of dollars. how can they depend on me to bill such a big amount. so now you know, if i raise it incorrectly, how much money will be lost. in the end, die one also me.

2) Raise PR to purchases
- i think they are too rich, i can raise alot of items a day. 8 mobile phones, 15 panasonic phones, hard disk, singtel mobile broadbands, servers.

3) Raise PR to pay human resource agency
- i dunno why, N is such a big company and with the support of S, they can't even afford to employ a perm or direct con or sub con staff under them? I've about 50 external contracts staff under us. Every month without fail i have to raise 50 PR for these people. damn it la. i still must keep track of it, follow up with the PR because purchasing side wont tell me when to tell them to do GR. imagine i'm already damn busy i still have to go into SAP system to check one by one. Get signatory approval from different PM, scanned it, raised already still have to pass to Finance those original invoices myself. if they reject my PR, i still have to do it all over again. by the time, the payment is delayed, the stupid agency will call and chase after it. super irritating especially those stupid Ind fuckers.

do you think that it? NO! i still have to raise PR for these and that.

4) i dunno why i will land in this situation, i tell myself that i will not step into banking industry. but in the end, i'm supporting IT banking like wth! they got this stupid systems that all people doing the project will have to sign the agreement and i must prepare the agreement again. like i one person have to let around 150 people to sign. when they come in, they must sign, some PM wont even inform when there's new hire that's the worst. how to keep track when i dun even know there's new entry. never mind, that's not the worst part. i must still let chengdu, suzhou, hk and shanghai staff to sign the agreement. NB, i ask HR they tell me a very general answer. Like i ask" does ODC (oversea development centre) staff doing this project have to sign the agreement? you know what they replied? " for what i know, all staff doing this project have to sign" i know! but they are oversea so i want to know if they need to sign?! if they sign, how can i get the original copy where HR wants it! can't they reply yes? NB.

5) i also have to keep track of new entry/exit, when they join the group, i'll have to prepare the necessary documents. ask them to fill up their personal particulars, brief them about what is the things to rmb in our team. CB.

6) they submit resignation/Mc/leave also must tell me, i have to keep track.

7) travel claims
- still must scan and photocopy then raise for billing. then bill customers.

8) still must help them go out buy thumbdrive and dvd etc. machiam like maid

9) have to help them to apply for pass to customer site, as our customer site is a highly secured area just like my office, i have to get their info and photos and have to send to them to apply. done le i still have to collect and give it to them one by one.

10) onebank id
- this is the most NB one, the girl suppose to do try to push it to me. like she never sit beside me and see the job that i have to do a day. even the intern behind me say why your work like never ending. can you go back by 6pm? i tell you, i even have to stay till 11.30pm sometimes also can't finish. you know why, when i am trying to do my work, people will come and ask. Huishan why the printer cannot print, where is the fax, how to scan, this and that. i have to walk away and attend to their needs before coming back to do mine. So now i'm going to ask, who is going to attend to my needs! CB.

11) i have to compile reports every first 3 days of the week. chase reports from those managers and nb always give me last min and boss wants it by that time. end up i get scolded because she spot mistakes. how could i know when is your UAT SIT nabei. how could i know your project got go red anot.

12) i have to help them book flight whenever they are going for business trip, come back still must remind them to give me the reciepts so that they can claim. they want to give me late, if too late cannot claim who knows they might even blame you!

13) i have to keep track of the records everyday. people wants to loan software, hardwares, batteries, panansonic phone, production support phones, all come to me. i think i'm really super women. so many things to keep track on, sometimes i'm wondering why i can cope till 1 and a half year.

14) sometimes i have to ask for quotation if they want to purchase things then still must help them to raise pr and chase after purchasing. wtf.

15) now we are having downsizing, i still must tell them what to do how to keep look out for them. answer to their stupid needs. really i think i treat them too good already.

16) never mind, people come back from overseas buy snacks. hao xin want to treat people so put at the empty cubicle infront of me, eat le wont throw away the wrapper and box, even i put notice there. you can still see this kind of things happening. i dunno they are abnn or what no sense of cleaniness and tidyness. all know how to eat but dunno how to wipe their mouth. later got ants then it will start crawling to my desk then all of you will die.

17) ok, boss want projector to be mount onto the wall, building management guy ask if boss can grant them access to our office as vendor can only come on weekend. boss dont want and ask me if i can come down on sat so out of goodwill, i am ok. nabei weekends office no air con so stuffy. the BM guy told me he will come down but in the end didnt. i have to sit there like a fool waiting for the vendor to finish installing. i burned my sat, i sat there from 10am to 3pm. fuck. i am so angry with the BM guy and msged him and scolded him. pls la, im only a project admin, i have to do so many shit job for them.

im like from finance, purchasing, project office, hr, admin, all rounder with the pathetic pay.
michell they all got more pay than me i think also no need to do so many things lor.

18) i still have to keep track of the mobile broad, transponder, the passes, the phones the software the license the asset of the project, damn.

i think i dun want to continue already. too angry to continue.

i just want to end off with a vugalrity. NABEI!

2010-03-08T08:32:00.000-08:00
i texted melvin tang, out of the blue; randomly.
who knows, i saw him a few minutes after.
fate, kind of scary.

but it feels like a kind surprise given by god.
i should be sastified with it, i should :)

2010-03-06T10:42:00.000-08:00
CHILLING @ TIMBRE

2010-03-06T10:33:00.000-08:00
to you, i'm just like any other people you met.
to me, you are someone i respect and it's special.

2010-02-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

work sucks but life don't.

2010-01-21T07:10:00.000-08:00

always thought of studying aboard.

if monetary terms allow, i will.

with no second thoughts.

2010-01-19T10:36:00.000-08:00
~~the first time we sat in the car alone~~
go to the mart to buy groceries.
we split to buy things only to realise that i didnt bring phone.
in such a big mart, we lost each other.
searching and looking, finally we found each other.
i was relieve.
like a scene you can only see in tv drama.
i've think too much.

2009-12-15T08:44:00.001-08:00
I've never been so afraid, feel so rejected towards a thing before.
feels so disgusted to a extend that you doesn't want to breathe the same air, being in the same space even somewhere that the thing and you co - existed.

i don't know is 'afraid' a good word to use but i couldn't find a better word to describe.

It gives me creeps. It feels something is watching you, always wanting the same and causing you to lose what u most yearn for. You will never feel peace when it's around, troubles and misery never once missed.

It's following me, wanting for more, always wanting to take charge. Sometimes it's more powerful than i thought. It's never true, betrayed you once you have overlook.
Trying all kinds of ways to shake it off but deep down you know, it's never happening.

What make it worse, knowing that it will never go away.
Unless there's no more sunlight in you.

shadows....

2009-11-08T08:50:00.001-08:00

i'm back from diving.
Dayang is a nice place, but too bad too many dead or destroyed corals.
saw sea turtle! cuttlefish! pufferfish! nemo!
so sastified.
better relationship with the instructors.
more trips to come, time to save!

2009-11-05T08:04:00.001-08:00

i'm going diving today at dayang, this time xiaxue the blogger, her bf and the munkystar will be going to on the same trip. will be quite an interesting trip i guess?
till then, i'll be back safely :)

2009-10-23T01:20:00.001-07:00

if that is your intention, thank you good bye.

2009-10-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

diving is a kind of drug, very addictive.
when you can coexist with the livings underneath.

more to dive.

2009-09-25T13:27:00.000-07:00
@ Mt Emily

2009-09-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

you don't see it but it's already there.
.
.
guess what it is?

2009-09-19T07:32:00.000-07:00

can't believe i'm going tioman
can't believe i'm going to dive
alot of can't believe but had to believe.
i am loving it.

2009-08-24T09:30:00.000-07:00
I don't want to keep worrying about this and that.
I don't want to worry about whether you are angry or not.
I don't want to worry whether people will quarrel with each other or not.
I don't want to worry about everything that i've said that might start an argument.
I don't want to worry about so many things.
But the problem is, i can't help but worry.

I hate breaking my own rules.

To you i don't know if you will see this but still, please be my pillar of strength to keep me going in this heavenly looking hell.

2009-08-23T07:03:00.001-07:00
Horoscope for 23rd August 2009.

It could be that there are things in your life that are moving in completely opposite directions, yet you can relate and benefit from all of them, Hui shan. There is nothing wrong with keeping all of your options open. Some people like to pick one game and stick with it, while you seem to be playing multiple hands at one time. Don't let others make you feel like you need to change your way of doing things, as long as you are confident that things are working out OK for you.

What i think is, if there's better idea why not take it.
It will not affect anything, it will get better.
and i'm confident.
haiz, i don't like aggressive people.

2009-08-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

i'm saying,

reading in too much is not good.

2009-08-13T07:11:00.000-07:00
huishan is on mc today.
her gastric is always giving her problems, she also experienced chest pain.

and she having some thoughts today, some deep one too or she is always having deep thoughts.

she's thinking why is she always bringing the moral down.
she tired, people also tired. why can't she joke and laugh just like others.
always thinking of the negatives.
she knows she may be wrong but she can't help but frown.

she hopes that people will share their problems with her, just like when she likes to share her daily experiences or problems with her close ones.
but she found that she is always having problem giving advise.
what she can do is only to lend a listening ear, what she say always seems wrong and it's like nobody wants to hear it.
she wish that she can share your load but people thinks that she can't be any help.

she wants to be a good friend of you.
but you seems cold and hot, making her retreat and forward.
staying at one spot doesn't feels good.
she fear rejection most.

she feels insecure easily, being aloof can hide her emotion well.

well, what to do. that's her.

2009-07-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

STOMP '09

Date: 6 - 11 Oct 2009 (Preferred 10 & 11)

Day and Time: Sat 2pm & 8pm, Sun 2pm & 7pm.

Venue: Esplanade Theatre

Ticket Prices (Excludes Booking Fee): Standard - S$120, S$100, S$85, S$70, S$120 (VIP Box), S$120 (Box B & G), S$100 (Box B-G), S$40 (Restricted View)

JUMP! Comic Martial Arts Performance
Date: 11-13 Sep 2009 Fri, 8pmSat & Sun, 3pm & 8pm
Venue: Esplanade Theatre
Prices (Excluding Booking Fee): Standard - S$88, S$78, S$68, S$58, S$38 VIP Box - S$88
ARGGHHH INTERESTING!

2009-07-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

2009-07-12T09:32:00.001-07:00

Busy busy life.
I'm never met some one like you before.

2009-07-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

Proudly presents to you, NATAS Singapore Women's Everest Team.
They Rocks.
.

visit www.womenoneverest.com

2009-06-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

come'on, grow up and move on you fools.

2009-06-20T10:42:00.001-07:00
alvin, hang in there and stay strong.

2009-06-14T07:29:00.000-07:00
i don't understand, seriously.
i don't know what you are thinking.

2009-06-06T12:55:00.001-07:00

I'M GOING KAKAYING NEXT SATURDAY!!!!!
.
*BLINK*BLINK*BLINK*

2009-06-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

No time for all these.

2009-05-31T07:41:00.000-07:00

I'm debt free this minute onwards.
:)

2009-05-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

LAUGH OUT LOUD!

2009-05-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is our big day, my big day.
It's Graduation Day!

2009-05-17T09:50:00.001-07:00

huishan have been coughing for 2 weeks.
from bad to worst.

2009-05-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

在夜深人静的时候，还是会想起。
没有你的消息，你还好吗?

2009-05-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

you got so busy that you cast everything behind your head.
you didnt realise how busy you are, everything was being forgotten; temporary. but when someone reminds you of something that you have forgotten.
its flash back and you feel that little lonely again.
it will get better i guess.
.
.
i felt a little angry that you actually reminded me of it.
DAMN.

2009-05-07T10:19:00.000-07:00
The first thing that i need to learn is to capsize our own boat. When you are rowing or out in the sea, there are chances of you losing balancing and capsize. So there's drill for us to learn. I am damn scare la, serious. I feel nauseous whenever i am asked to do capsizing, it's the pychology problem. I also felt sea sick, so around 3plus in the afternoon during the first day, i give up and rest on the beach. I told shujuan they all that im very afraid of doing capsizing and doesn't want to go back to training the next day. it's them who gave me the courage to give another shot.

The next day...
As i have missed out a few things that they have taught, uncle lau the instructor was giving me a one to one coaching. He's really good. He is patience and give me alot sense of security. He never will stress you and give you encouraging words during the coaching. And my first success capsize is taught by him. I'm really grateful to him. He's 71 already but still look so fit and young, got a shock when i know his age. So exercising will really make one younger.
Below is the picture shujuan took while he is explaining to me. Shujuan also took the video when i am doing the capsizing drill. Shall take from her and post it here. The video that i have post is an example of capsizing the boat. It look very easy but it's damn scary.

Cause you wont know what happen beneath.....

I LOVE MY LIFE :)

2009-05-04T22:21:00.000-07:00
I'm having my lunch break now, eating ice cream and typing here. Don't blog now dunno still got chance anot because i will just sit down and rot when i reach home.

Getting busier and busier, lining myself with lots of activities during the weekends. As for weekdays, i'll just go home, sleep. Let's talk about last sat and sun. I've signed up for one-star kayaking course, highly encouraged by my friends. Who say heavy people cant kayak, just go get a bigger boat HAHA. It was tough at first because i have to learn how to capsize my own kayak. It's damn scary you know, its like sitting upside down in the water and i have to tap three times before i can surface. Because of the capsize thing, i started to dislike kayaking and thought of giving up the cert. I'm glad that my friends and uncle lau for the patience and teaching, i managed to overcome my own barrier and capsize my boat. I even volunteered to capsize one more time! I'm so happy i tell you. Then later part i can row without any worries and now officially announced that I got my cert and i can kayaking in the sea in future!! YEAH YEAH YEAH! Its alot more happier and sastifying to get the kayak cert than my poly cert la serious. its because of the try so hard and succeed feeling that makes me tears. Pictures of kayaking coming up. Sorry if there's any typo or vocab error because im rushing this entry hahahaa. okok stay tune for my photos!

back to work!

2009-04-27T06:26:00.000-07:00
It has been a busy weekdays, busy weekends.

Volunteer at PA Paddles Championship 2009 on both Sat and Sun.
Its was damn fun and tired.

Join my company's skipping rope competition. Participant who can jump at least 50 jumps in one minute will get a $15 voucher from NTUC. My colleague and i went to join and i got 107 jumps hahhaa. Cool right lol.

I am so so so tired now gonna go bye.

2009-04-24T01:33:00.000-07:00
A quick update.

Same old routine everyday; work eat sleep work eat sleep.

I MISS MY GOOD OLD DAYSSS WHEN I HAVE THE TIME TO DO WHAT EVER THINGS I WANT TO DO. SKIP SCHOOL WHEN I WANT TO AND I MISS EXAM STRESS AND LESSER POLICTICS BETWEEN PEOPLE.

I hate this kind of feeling, when i can't bring myself to trust anyone and tend to watch my back everytime. It's not that they are not good, just that you will never know what will happen and i have heard alot of advise and stories. I have seen some too. The guard there is quite nice thou. It's part of growing up isn't it. I'll used to it, right?

"Old is not scary but the process of growing old is"
i fully feel this sentence.

And i become very lazy. Lazy as in i can't find the energy to go out to have fun after work. I long to go home whenever i am off work. I even stayed at home during the weekends and i feel so sastified about it haa. Home is what i look forward to everyday. Thou sleep is very much needed, i just dont want to sleep cause i think sleeping is a waste of my life. So i give myself up to 1am everyday and i just simply dozed off once i lie on my bed. Occasionally, i will just dozed off with my spec on and my laptop on. My lovely sister will then help me to remove my spec and keep my laptop. I can feel it but im too tired to react. Life is not tough, in fact to have something to do during work makes me happy. At least im not idling around.

Waking up every morning is still a torture to me but it's definitely getting better. Took 45 to work. Will pass by nyp every morning. Looking at the school and the students makes me envy them soo soooo sooo much. How i wish i can be a student again. I know even if i go uni now i will graduate too and have to work. Work is part of human life isn't? We are born to work, just for the sake of money, should i laugh or cry. Got money we laugh, no money we cry, so fuck that money.

I miss all my friends, i really do. I wanted to talk to all of them, reply their message, joke with them, go out like we used to but simply can't find that energy to do it. It's the mental, very mentally tired not physically. Tell me what to do, like what i've said earlier, i will get used to it one right?

Wellll, friends if i reply your msg late or i even forgot about it. Please forgive me, because i am really busy at work and being in the stage of learning and understanding makes me even busy cause everytime im being taught new things and trust me, there's loads to learn. Give me time, i will find you all when i settle down.

I REALLY MISS YOU ALL.

And, simple things like watching tv, surf the net, hit the gym, eat a home cooked meal, meet up with friends for chilling session seems so difficult now. I'm craving for all of it, i'm craving for chalets, bbq and gathering. I don't care who i gather with now i just want a feel of my old days again. I believe i will, like i say, let me settle down first and i will find back my life.

Im half asleep while typing this, i foresee alot of grammers, vocabs, misphrase of sentence. I dont really care cause i know you will know what im saying if you know me right? hahaha.

I'm trying to break my friends and my own record in bejeweled Blitz lately. But i cant seems to score. Sacrificing my sleep for it, quite dumb but who cares, bejewled is my new love for the time being, till i get bored.

ok see you and take care!
buddy, see you when your exam finish.
mich kaini alvin edwin slivester zhicai deming xinyuan bear, who ever came. look forward to see you at our mini gathering at chomp X 2 on friday which is today.
See the rest of you at grad.
My kakis some other day.
My YEC buddies, see you all at the kayaking/dragonboat championship and our one star kayaking course.

LOVE YOU AND LOVE YOURSELF K!

2009-04-18T06:29:00.000-07:00
Hi, how are you doing?
Hope you are well.
See you at the graduation ceremony.

watch this, she inspires.
click on SUSAN BOYLE.
- it's the first time i saw simon smiled so beautifully.

- there's always more than the appearance.

2009-04-12T00:23:00.000-07:00
Chalet on sat 11th April 2009, NTUC coastal sands resorts.

Being burn by the sun is no joke.
Now my shoulder and nose hurt like hell.

Had so much fun helping out and playing with them.
Friends, More chalet pleaseeeee.

2009-04-08T08:48:00.001-07:00
First day of work; TIRED.
It's like using your brain to run 100 rounds, too long didnt work already.

So looking forward to my bangkok trip in May.
May May faster come!

2009-04-06T09:47:00.000-07:00
I'm all ready for the work on wednesday.

And i just found out that NCS got a gym in the building that allows staff to use, I can go gyming after work and that's super good new!

*GRIN*

2009-04-05T19:38:00.000-07:00
Seriously, humans can't have the best of both worlds ALL THE TIMES.
I.AM.PISSED.VERY.PISSED.

2009-04-04T11:55:00.000-07:00
Have found a job, another weight load down.
Starting on wednesday as senior assistant in one of the project team in NCS.
Well, i really need to enjoy myself these few days and adjust my body clock back to normal.

Thanks for everything that i have got, i really appreciated and was thankful for it.

2009-03-30T17:31:00.000-07:00
JOGGING, JOG, JOG MY STUBBORN FAT OFF.

Went jogging at serangoon park these few days at noon, it's damn hot but somehow i feel damn excited because it's like the sun heat is burning my stubborn fats off. Hahahaha, ok it's my imagination :P
And also, my father keep persuading me to join the police force when he recieved the recruitment letter that was mailed to my house. i told him i sure can't pass the fitness test but you know what he say? He say the officer see i'm overweight will ask me to run slower one ask me dont worry go be police for 2 years. He can see me in police uniform! Sometimes, what my father say really stunned me lol. where got father want daughter go be police one.

2009-03-30T01:54:00.000-07:00

2009-03-29T08:48:00.000-07:00
FASHIONISTA
FOR A FASHION SHOW NAME, IS IT OK?

got an interview with NCS tmr, really hope i can get the job so i can earn money and not waste time at job or go out play and spend money. I'm sick of being cash tight.

WISH ME LUCK!

2009-03-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

A NEW SIMPLE CHANGE.

2009-03-26T06:10:00.000-07:00

2009-03-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED READING THE 4 BOOKS OF
.
TWILIGHT!
.
.
.
.
WOOOHOOOO!

2009-03-17T01:52:00.000-07:00

WO BI YE LO!
.
I'VE GRADUATED!
.
.
well, it's time for me to find job already.
anyone got lobang for office work please contact me, thank you.
your effort will be appreciated haha.
right now im so looking forward to renting of the robe and attend the ceremony with my beloved friends wooohoo!

2009-03-14T08:06:00.000-07:00
-----Extracted from Zhenxiu's Blog-----

Before I moved to Serangoon garden 4 years ago, I was staying at Serangoon central since I was born. There was even a time where having rumors that our HDB is going to be demolished for condominium project and there will be a shopping mall build.Well, the demolish part I don’t know if it’s really true but one thing for sure is , there is going to be a shopping mall ready next year end! I am so egg cited for its coming! Every time I walked past the new Serangoon Circle Line exit, I will be looking forward and curious of how this suppose-to-be-empty-land-in-past turn out to be.The six-storey mall end-2010 will be the epicentre of the integrated transport hub comprising a new 16-bay Serangoon Bus Interchange and the Serangoon MRT station.

It will offer a range of shopping and entertainment features, such as a 24-hour retail and food and beverage zone, a 10-screen Cineplex, games arcade, pet lovers' enclave and unique balcony dining establishments. There will also be a 500-seat food court, a 60,000 sq ft hypermarket and a 50,000 sq ft department store. (SCREAM AND SHOUT CINEMA! 24-hour retail and food and beverage zone!!!!)I have been waiting for 21 years. HAHA! Soon it will be our frequent place I guess, for gathering, food and leisure. Designed as an eco-friendly mall, the yet-to-be-named mall will be set amidst lush garden enclaves and landscaped sky terraces. I am always hoping to have a cinema or shopping mall nearby my house beside AMK HUB, J8 and Hougang Mall.

-----End-----

Wah i super excited about it now. Imagine watching movie very late at night without needing to take cab home or ton outside at night. HOHOHO. and i can date my friends out during at night for supper and chilling session without worrying for the transport matters. You all will have to come.
WHAHAHAHA!

2009-03-12T12:48:00.000-07:00
i want something big this year.
i want boyfriend.
i want surprise.
i want money.
i want job.

i want because i'm aging!!
ok crap.

2009-03-08T01:33:00.000-08:00
Attended Chingay Appreciation Dinner at D'Marquee @ Downtown East.
Met up with Michell to apply for BTT and hit the gym then meet the rest for dinner at chomp x2
Shall let the pictures do the talking.

2009-03-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

2009-02-27T11:35:00.000-08:00
i find it harder and harder to believe your words.
I don't know when are you speaking the truth or when are you lying.
i think it's quite true that the more people want to hide the truth the more the truth will surface.

Arggh.
Alvin i miss youuuuuu.
(see i so sweet so faster clear your appointment and meet ME.)

yea, recently im not bored at all. I love my life now, with lots of outings to fun places with fun people. Given up finding job so right now im going to enjoy myself, play hard and recharge myself before everything starts again. Chomp Chomp session with the usuals and it was fun, waiting for the batam trip in july when we recieve our $200? HAHA. Met up with PAYM people on wed and Jin Wen went, too bad Melvin is not able to join us but never mind there will be a next time. Anyway im sure alot of girls will 'dui' xin gan if they know jinwen is there hahahaa ok joking. Anyway some of us went cycling in the morning and met up the rest at kallang in the evening. It's was raining cats and dogs in the evening but lucky it only rain after we left east coast. We had our meal in subway and later on moved to somewhere remote to chill. It was fun and heart warming to see that we actually meet up again. Let's hope for more outing together. Hit the gym on thursday morning with kelly, felt so refreshed. I am so proud of myself because i cycled for 3 hours the day before and still able to run and exercise for almost one hour HAHA. Met up with love you deep deep aka biling for shopping. This girl had been rotting at home since last wed and im doing a good deed by asking her out LOL ok im kidding. Bought a top and a scarf and i did an express medicure. Ok someone is going to kill me because i complained that i am very poor yet i am spending money, i will save no worry k. Tmr i'll be going for my training then meet up with cheeyung and meet up with my primary school friends, i'm lovin it. I will post the pictures some time later when im not feeling lazy like now.

i'm addicted to exercising, isn't it good news?
HAHA more to come, right now take care.

2009-02-21T23:51:00.000-08:00
Help me plan a diet and i promise i will stick to it.

I need to burn alot of fats and get my lazy ass to the gym!

ARGHHHHH!

2009-02-20T06:11:00.000-08:00
Hmmm, since job is so hard to find and im free. I'm going to design my blogskin again.
What theme should it be?

*thinking*

2009-02-16T21:00:00.000-08:00
EI0609 batch'06 ATTENTION!

I've sent an email to all of you so this is a gentle reminder to remind you all to view your email and reply me lol.

Hey dear class EI0609, i got this sudden thought at 4.37am in the morning. I was thinking maybe we can meet one day in school to have a meal together as a whole and take tonns of pictures together before and on our graduation day. We haven got a proper class photo!! Kaini, xinting and shiwei, xiping are not in the picture previously. I scare if i fail one of my paper ar, i cannot go to the graduation ceremony which is on 28 May Thurs 10am. We are undergoing major change, the girls study or work, the guys bo bian have to go army. We can do some catching up too!

So reply to my email if you all are interested. (please be interested haha)
Please help me pass around the msg if i have left anyone out.
MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Date: 2nd March 2009 (Negotiable)
Time: 1pm Location: Wait outside School Auditorium
Dress Code: Smart Casual (wear nice nice, take photos also nice nice)

I'll be waiting for your reply!!

2009-02-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

Spend my valentines with kelly (SCS) in the morning and flora, freda in the afternoon. Thanks for spending it with me. May we all get our lover soon HAHA.

Love u all.

This note is specially delicated to myself, for me to remember. I got one secret to share on this special day, about a year ago, i said something like that i will not like you. It's all fake because i rather have friendship than nothing. And i hope to see you happy. It doesn't quite matter now because there's no point waiting for something that will not going to happen. So i'll be living my life to the fullest right now and i hope everyone can be happy and blissful.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

2009-02-13T03:57:00.000-08:00
Today is my last paper, which means i doesn't have to go to school anymore. My last day of school on the friday the 13th, what a coincidence. No more rushing of projects, chilling with friends in school or do what ever things together. It seems abit too fast for me to realise that everything have come to the end, no it's only the starting of new chapter.

Arghhh, 3 years just passed so quickly, too fast. My mindset is still not adjust yet. Im still in denial stage you see, confusion too. Some say as long you treasure the time you have in poly, you will not regret. But its not true! No matter how much i treasure, when it's ending i still feel sad because i hate goodbyes and i hate changes. I know sooner or later i will be used to it but i just hate the feeling. How nice if things just stay this way. Or maybe i have been living as a carefree youth or kid for the past 22 years and now, i have to step into the society.

What i'm afraid of is, when we turns older it also means my parent turned older too. I'm starting to feel worried for their health. Arghhh too many things, too complicated mind. I have feeling so complex now till i don't know how to describe my feeling. I just want to be a kid again.

2009-02-10T08:57:00.000-08:00
i'm so stress with global supply chain managment :(

2009-02-07T06:40:00.000-08:00
Exam cure.

2009-02-07T02:38:00.000-08:00
A short post.

I was telling my father that i will be graduating in one week time and he asked whether do we need to wear the square hat during the ceremony. I told him that we only need to wear the blue thing. He asked whether he can attend the graduating ceremony, i said yes and he say he wants to wear tie there. HAHA. i laughed and i told him that it's too exaggerating. and you know what he say? He said must wear cause my daughter is a poly graduate. I'm so touched. Cause all along my father never force us to study or scold us whenever we did not do well in school. I'm touched because he is proud of his daughter. No matter his daughter is smart or not.

I love you daddy.

2009-02-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

I'm too busy to blog, be back after exams.
meanwhile take care everyone.

2009-01-31T12:23:00.000-08:00

Your horoscope for January 31, 2009

You've made it over the hump, Hui shan. You have moved beyond the problems of the recent past and are entering a more peaceful phase. You will complete your projects at work, and your domestic life will be the picture of bliss and harmony. Enjoy this period of rest and relaxation, for it will soon be followed by a period of intense longings, requiring your total attention.
ps: sometimes dont want to believe also cannot.

Chingay pictures coming up!!

2009-01-27T23:24:00.001-08:00
Your horoscope for January 28, 2009

Let your guard down today, Hui shan and don't feel like you need to perform for anyone. Let your inner core accept the notion that you are perfect the way you are and that you don't have to externally prove your self-worth to anyone. Let your heart expand and let your mind come to rest. Make sure the pure light within you is lightning the path instead of allowing an artificial mask block the reality of your true identity.

2009-01-23T11:35:00.001-08:00

2009-01-23T10:23:00.000-08:00

After seeing the result in luqman's blog, i decided to try it again.
WHO KNOWS!

WTF!?